Fat and nearly dead

So its finally happened, I've gained enough weight to put stretch marks on my stomach.  The largest problem being that now I have a job that has me sitting down for most of the day it is hard to get the exercise that I got in my normal day at TAC.  I'm hoping that if I can start up doing my morning workout with Anthony I should start to see result to slow this weight gain.  I'm also going to look for some Zumba videos that Shaula can do at home with out the kids interrupting the workout.  This way Shaula can get a workout in during the day and hopefully I can get an extra one in if I get home in time.  Finally my last plan is to start a ten day juice fast.  After watching "Fat, Sick, and nearly dead" I've decided that this would be an excellent way to reboot my system and help me loose weight.   Since Shaula's parents got me a juicer for Christmas this is something I really want to do. My goal for this fast is to use this blog as a journal through out my fast, hopefully this will provide a way to look back at the fast and see how it worked out.

Suit up!

Things have been going good, finally got some new suits so I can finally suit up for those important occasions thought I do have to have a tailor take the sides in on them first.  I’ve been playing around with some story ideas while at work and I might have a couple I might actually start flushing out.  My problem I’ve noticed is that I have a hard time relating what is in my head to the paper.  My hands are spiting it out as fast as they can but they can’t capture everything I’m thinking, so then I get discouraged and drop it.  What I’ve decided is that I’m going to start writing for at least a half hour a day.  My goal is to get over this problem and to get used to writing out a full story even if it is short and trash.  I figure I can post it her on the blog and let everyone tear over it.

closed doors and open opportunities

So its been a rough couple of weeks between all that is going on. I'm trying to maintain a positive spin on everything but trust me it is hard as hell. Last night I had a couple of rough dreams reliving what I went through on Wednesday but I have felt better today. I want to thank my wife, kids, and all of my friends for the support they have given me so far. I am still focused on the future, hell you could even say that I am more focused then I have been in years. I am honing my Java like a swordsman sharpens his blade on a wet stone, once i'm back to what I was I will be a force to be reckoned with. Right now my goals are landing a job with IBM and freelancing a program for Jason at TAC. If I can land a job with IBM my goals for my carrier will be start to be realized. If I can work with them for at them minimum of one year I will have the experience I need to land a job with anyone else. If I can work out an independent contract with TAC I can get a couple of extra bucks to add to my investment funds.

The thing that I have been telling myself is “My happiness is not dependent on the approval of others.” It has taken me these 27 years to come to this conclusion. While it does give me happiness to give joy to others, I am not bound to it. I think that the reason why I have been unhappy for all of these years has been because I have always been trying to please the people that I think are the most important to me, without taking into consideration what it is that I want. I know that in the world we live in the “ME” is more important that the “US” but there is a bit of truth in this. I have only been recently been focusing on what my needs are and I think that because of that I can give more to everyone when “I” am at my best.

Retreat in the making

I've been talking with a number of my different male friends at work and we have all come to the understanding that it would be beneficial to us if we had a male retreat twice a year. A time for reflection, relaxation, and bonding with other men. It seems like in today’s world that everything is obsessed with being as productive as possible and to try to have the most crap. In all reality we have given up our mental, physical, and spiritual health in order to become more productive in order to have more things. My goal for this retreat is to help myself and a group of other guys to help us get back in touch with our masculine selves so that we can try to regain back some more of our mental and spiritual health.

So as of right now I’m working on figuring out what to call this retreat, I've been leaning toward something with Bear in the name but haven't come up with anything final yet. My goal is to start up a group page on face-book and invite all of the guys that I know and then start planning the different events that I want to have.