So its been a rough couple of weeks
between all that is going on. I'm trying to maintain a positive spin
on everything but trust me it is hard as hell. Last night I had a
couple of rough dreams reliving what I went through on Wednesday but
I have felt better today. I want to thank my wife, kids, and all of
my friends for the support they have given me so far. I am still
focused on the future, hell you could even say that I am more focused
then I have been in years. I am honing my Java like a swordsman
sharpens his blade on a wet stone, once i'm back to what I was I
will be a force to be reckoned with. Right now my goals are landing
a job with IBM and freelancing a program for Jason at TAC. If I can
land a job with IBM my goals for my carrier will be start to be
realized. If I can work with them for at them minimum of one year I
will have the experience I need to land a job with anyone else. If I
can work out an independent contract with TAC I can get a couple of
extra bucks to add to my investment funds.
The thing that I have been telling
myself is “My happiness is not dependent on the approval of
others.” It has taken me these 27 years to come to this
conclusion. While it does give me happiness to give joy to others, I
am not bound to it. I think that the reason why I have been unhappy
for all of these years has been because I have always been trying to
please the people that I think are the most important to me, without
taking into consideration what it is that I want. I know that in the
world we live in the “ME” is more important that the “US” but
there is a bit of truth in this. I have only been recently been
focusing on what my needs are and I think that because of that I can
give more to everyone when “I” am at my best.
