The largest feeling I've been wrestling with during this whole process is the feeling that I'm only second place. I feel like since she can get what she wants from someone else that it takes away from what we where before it all started. I honestly want nothing more than to go back to the way things were before she decided to have a second lover. I miss knowing that we would crave each other and that we would only get our release from that person. Now there are two other people in the mix and it complicates everything. I miss the simpler times, and I hate the way all of this makes me feel.
I slept with his wife and I thought that would help things but it feels like it has only complicated everything. I really wish he would spend more time working on his wife and their relationship instead of continuing to dip into my pond. Unfortunately I don't think that is going to happen since they appear to be hooked on each other.
I feel like I learned a new trick watching them together but when I do it to her it feels hollow. If feels like she is thinking about him when its happening. I'm trying really hard to be all that she needs but that just isn't the case. I'm so tired of killing myself to make her happy only to see myself coming up short over and over again. It makes me feel like its hopeless and I should just give up on it. I should move on and do something else that might be better worth my time.
No comments:
Post a Comment