Lately it feels like I'm hollow all of the time. My heart hurts and my stomach is in knots almost constantly. Unfortunately I have no one I can talk to about my situation who isn't a part of it. No one else has any idea of what I'm going through and I'm pretty sure if they did they would advise me to move out. I don't know why I keep finding myself in these shitty situations. I guess its because I have terrible judgement and can't seem to make the right choices.
I'm so god damn tired of all of this stress and bullshit. I'm tired of feeling stressed out from work. I'm sick of feeling stressed out at home too. I really need a vacation where I can disappear for a week without anyone around me. But due to the nature of things that will never happen. Every time I try to do something alone or away from home I get a guilt trip from my wife. Who funny enough wants to spend most of her free time with her new boyfriend. Gotta love the double standards. I even tried to broach the subject of me getting a girlfriend and she treated it like I was betraying her by bringing it up. So what the fuck am I supposed to do?
This whole thing just reeks of selfishness and if I point that out then I'm the bad guy. I get my past mistakes thrown into my face and essential told that I have no right to bitch. Gods I just wish my wife thought I was enough and didn't need to fall in love with someone else. I had always hoped after we had gotten over all our bullshit that we could settle in and just be a happy old married couple. I never thought that I would have to share her with someone else. But I guess dreams are just a joke and reality is much colder.
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